How Your Core-Conflict Shapes Your Identity

“Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.”

William James

One of the coolest things about being a human being is that we are each unique due to our various experiences and circumstances. These layers of influences have shaped our beliefs whether we realize it or not, and have created the person we are today.

This can be both a good thing and a bad thing. While we use our values to have a positive impact on the world, we also have limiting beliefs about ourselves that we have formed from an early age. The negative beliefs, while we try to repress them, are actually working subconsciously throughout our everyday life.

While on a coaching call the other night, my friend pointed out to me that I had a pattern – a pattern that was influenced by something called a “core-conflict”. We began talking it out and I realized that everytime I thought I wasn’t going to succeed in something, I gave up. I wouldn’t let myself completely fail. By doing that, I never let myself completely succeed in something because I stopped anytime a bump in the road came. The road to success is often very bumpy. As Rachel Hollis says, you have to let yourself “fail forward” many times in order to achieve the very thing you want. Success is not linear, but rather a curvy line.

When I realized this talking to my coach, it angered me. I began to think of all the things I quit prematurely – – multiple sports, swimming, acting, singing, piano lessons, and dance. I asked her, “Well I just don’t understand…when did I start feeling ‘not good enough’? What was the turning point and why did I feel like I needed to protect myself?”

Her response – “Your core-conflict is often shaped by an event in your childhood (sometime between the ages of two and six) and then continues to fester over time. The good thing is you can rewrite your story. You just have to face it head on.”

I think back and it’s amazing to see how that core-conflict of mine negatively affected my identity and how I went about doing things. To be completely honest and transparent – there have been many times even recently when I thought “what’s the point of my blog and what’s the point of Arbonne – I’m not really helping anyone anyway.” Even though this is not completely true, it “feels” true and it feels safe to take the easy way out. “I can’t fail this way” is what I tell myself. But, in reality the only way I do fail is by quitting.

I know in my heart that God has a huge purpose for me. As I sit here writing this, I know that if I were to continue down this path of self-destruction, my potential would not be met and the people I want to help will never be helped. I have learned I need to trust myself, as I begin to rewrite my story. Trust what I know to be true, and allow those bumps in the road to happen.

According to the Law of Attraction (which I have discussed in my blog before), what you send out into the universe is what you get back. In other words, “believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create that fact.” So if I am to rewrite my story and send positivity out into the world, I must first start by abandoning my core-conflict and allowing myself to feel the emotions connected with failure. By doing that, I will have to practice seeing these experiences as opportunities to practice mindfulness and self-development rather than times that I am “not good enough”.

Whatever your core-conflict is, I challenge you to do some self-reflecting as well. It will hurt to uncover the past and it will be challenging to relearn a new truth about yourself. But I guarantee you it will be worth it. Your purpose is just waiting for you to discover.


#healing #love #meditation #selflove #health #wellness #selfcare #yoga #energy #mentalhealth #spirituality #spiritual #mindfulness #peace #crystals #nature #reiki #motivation #life #inspiration #spiritualawakening #loveyourself #awakening #recovery #anxiety #therapy #positivevibes #energyhealing #consciousness #bhfyp #coreconflict #fear depression

Intro to Clean Eating

This is the beginning of the recipes section of my website! A new tab will be made on the homepage to display some of my personal favorite clean eating recipes.

Part of “Holistic Living” is living to the best of your ability physically, as well as mentally. When you eat clean – riding of processed foods and common allergens, you will notice an increase in your energy levels and a boost of overall well-being. This does not mean the occasionally pizza or ice cream will damage you, I want to make that clear! But living that 80-20 lifestyle, will allow you to focus primarily on your health without totally riding your cravings.

Remember – it takes 21 days to make something a habit. Don’t give up!!

Here are some tips to eating clean and increasing health:

  1. Load up on veggies – Most of us lack fruits and veggies in our diet and do not get enough on a daily basis. Try to increase your intake by adding a little more to each meal. Half your dinner at night should be veggies. If you are still struggling, check out a supplement to help add the minerals/vitamins. Greens Balance is my go-to choice.
  2. Try to limit your gluten intake for thirty days. See if it makes a difference in your digestion. Some have sensitives with gluten and don’t even know it. If you are okay with gluten, switch to whole grain breads.
  3. Eat more lean meat – such as turkey, fish, chicken, and grass-fed beef.
  4. Limit processed foods. Processed foods often have a lot of sugar or sodium and are high in calories and lack nutrients.
  5. Add more protein in your diet. I personally find it hard to eat enough protein during the day, which is why I makes shakes in the morning with protein powder and a protein boost.
  6. Limit dairy and soy intake. Dairy is another common allergen that causes problems without us knowing it. It is highly inflammatory, it’s acid-forming, and its full of hormones.
  7. Stay mindful of added sugar and added salt. These are called micronutrients, and we often neglect to look at them. We think carbs, fats, calories, and protein – but sugar intake and sodium intake are important as well. Try to keep it at a consistent level, where they are not spiking.
  8. Consider supplements for certain vitamins/minerals you are low on. I have heard so many people say no before really considering the benefit it has for your body. If you are one who doesn’t like to eat a lot or is against veggies, adding a nutritionally-dense supplement is not a bad thing. In fact, it allows you to meet your goal without feeling miserable about it. Like I said, I would never personally meet my protein goal without a protein supplement.

If you are interested in a 30 day clean eating challenge with daily education and coaching, feel free to send me an email.

In the meantime, look for a recipes section to come!


#cleaneating #healthy #health #veggies #vegan #cleaneatingchallenge #fit #fitness #motivation #fitspiration #motivation

Success: The Iceberg Illusion

“Achievements and success often blind us so that we often are not even aware of the huge efforts that were necessary to make these outcomes possible.”

Katelyn Shelby, Blogger

The iceberg illusion highlights the difference between what you see and what you don’t see when it comes to achieving success. While it is not an original concept of mine, I wanted to share it because I personally refer back to it to remind myself success takes time.

I want you to think of an iceberg. The first thing you probably think of is the top of the iceberg sticking out of the water. But, truth is, there is also a bottom. A bottom that goes deep down in the cold, icy waters.

Just like many of us tend to think about the top of the iceberg rather than the whole iceberg itself, many of us see success the same way. We forget the hard work, the dedication, the failures, the disappointments, and all the sacrifice that happens when you are working toward a goal.

It is so easy to see a successful person and think “I wish I was them. They have life easy.” However, in stating this, we aren’t acknowledging what it took for that person to get where they are in life.

Eminem and Jennifer Lopez are two good examples of this. They have achieved much success in their careers, but they both had challenging upbringings in rough neighborhoods. They could have easily given up because their situation looked grim. In fact, JLo still stayed focused on her dream even when her mother kicked her out of the house, and had nowhere to go. Talk about perseverance! Most of us don’t know that, because we focus on the here and now. It’s almost as if it has been built into our culture.

We are in a microwave era, as I like to call it – where instant gratification is what we want, and what we expect. We have to challenge this thought and change our mindset. While we cannot always see all of the efforts of a successful person firsthand, we have to remember the efforts that are hidden below the surface.

Success only comes through hard work and to those who are consistent and patience. So, the next time you start doubting yourself remember that success is not a linear path. Failure is not falling short of your goal. The only way you can fail is if you quit.

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#success #selflove #motivation #inspiration #keepgoing #determination #bloggers #bossbabes

Anniversary of My Suicide Attempt

The semicolon project: my life could have stopped, but I continued on.

Exactly seventeen years ago, I attempted to take my own life. I don’t talk about it much because I don’t like to remember that day or the events after it. In actuality, I think part of my psyche has blocked it from my memory because I only remember bits and pieces.

I was thirteen. I remember the pain I felt; deep, intense, hopeless. I felt alone. Yet, when I went into the inpatient/outpatient programs, everyone just looked at me and said “You don’t belong here.” It wasn’t out of malice, even though it may sound like it. All the other teenagers around me had severely broken childhoods and families that really did not give a damn. And there I was – with two parents who loved me and who tried to give me the best life possible. It pains me to think of it because the guilt I felt was tremendous. “I didn’t deserve to feel pain”, I thought.

But the truth? Everyone is entitled to their emotions. We cannot compare circumstances. It does no good and it does not solve the problem.

While I did not have a broken family, I had a severe chemical imbalance – most of which I contribute to getting my menstrual cycle early. My body was developing fast, but my surroundings were not and my brain was still one of a thirteen-year-old. I would get conflicted as to how I should be feeling and what I actually was feeling.

In addition, the meds I was put on for my depression and anxiety were not handled properly. The doctor started me off on a high dose and then did not monitor it. My parents did not know any better. After all, they trusted the doctor.

To this day, I remember my dad’s face when he found out I overdosed on pain medication. I stayed home that day because I needed a mental break from school. I felt so alone with my feelings that I just broke – I grabbed the bottle without thinking and continued to shove the pills down my throat. My dad knew I did something. He kept asking, “What did you do? What did you do?” I don’t remember what tipped him off honestly, but he knew. I was honest. Then he called 911.

The cops showed up with an ambulance. I was so scared. I was crying. “I’m fine! I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please don’t take me away.” I just wanted them to go away.

Once at the hospital, they pumped my stomach full of charcoal. I met with some doctors who I tried to convince “I WAS FINE”. But since I had made an attempt, I had to be inpatient for a couple days.

Those days were filled with the scariest moments I had seen yet being only thirteen. I was trying to understand my emotions, while also be frightened into seeing the worst of the worst situations. To give you an idea – someone smashed their head through a glass panel on a door in an attempt to end their life.

I wouldn’t understand this experience until much later in life. I never wanted to end my life. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to understand my feelings and how to feel better.

Since I refused to deal with it, those emotions just fostered into an eating disorder three years later. I used food as a cop out to control the emotions I felt were out of control.

Now almost two decades later, I have completely done a 180. I’m so glad I failed that day because I had so much to accomplish that God was planning for me. I look at my struggles with mental health as a time that made me stronger and more understanding. I am now able to help others with my story and encourage them to keep fighting. It is no walk in the park; it takes time, dedication, continual therapy, and patience. BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT. I truly believe we were each created for something special. Sometimes it takes others longer to find it and that’s okay. We each bloom at our own time.

When you feel at your lowest, remember me as an example to keep fighting. You have no idea what God has in store for you and whose life you will one day impact. I’m in your corner.

If you or something you know is suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Help is available.


#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #depression #selfcare #selflove #mentalillness #love #therapy #health #wellness #mentalhealthmatters #motivation #mindfulness #recovery #healing #ptsd #fitness #psychology #bipolar #wellbeing #life #loveyourself #inspiration #meditation #positivevibes #happiness #trauma #support #bhfyp