Judgement – Who is Judging Who

“People will judge you no matter what you do. So you might as well do what you want.”

Unknown

Raise your hand if you ever remember feeling “judged” for something you did, a comment you said, or a decision you made? 🙋‍♀️

I think it is safe to say, we have all been there.

Sometimes these judgements are real and other times they are stories we make up in our own heads. Fact – human beings are judgemental creatures. But, remember, their base of judgement is rooted from how they view the world. It has nothing to do with you.

Each human is different, made up of their own experiences and values that tell them how the world should be. That does not mean everything they believe is correct. If we constantly worry about how others will perceive us, we will STOP ourselves from becoming the very person we were meant to become. Opportunities that could open up the world for us will never blossom because we didn’t even allow ourselves to open the door.

Here’s the truth – 75% of the time, the judgements we feel are thoughts we made up and told ourselves to believe. I say that because EVERYONE is worried about being judged – to the point where they are mainly thinking about how others are perceiving them. They are not worried about you as much as you feel like they are.

We spend hours criticizing ourselves, when they spend – what – like a second thinking about us regarding something that has no truth attached to it?

It is easy to get paralyzed with fear in hopes of fitting in or being accepted by others. But here’s the catch – others do not get to define who we are; WE define who we are.

Yes, I’m weird. I’m quirky. I’m a Philly Sports phanatic, not girly girl. I am a homebody who loves her fur babies, and I am definitely not a partier. I enjoy board games and being at the beach. I love helping people and I believe that I am here for a bigger purpose than just me. Not all these statements I like about myself, but I am learning to accept them because that is who God made me to be.

People will always have opinions and that is their right. But YOU get to decide how YOU show up each and every day. Are you going to hold yourself back because of your perceived opinion or others’ perceived opinions? Or are you going to push through and show others what’s possible when you just go for it and be you?

Show them what it means to be you. Live your life on your terms. Don’t let other opinions define who you are. Then start a ripple effect – try your best to judge people a little less because you know what it is like to feel judged yourself.

I guarantee you will inspire people without even knowing about it. So go out, BE BOLD, BE YOU.


#judgement #keepgoing #motivation #holistic #mentalhealth #fear #anxiety #depression #strength #courage #strong #inspiration #health #healthymind

What is Holding You Back?

“A lot of the time, what holds us back and keeps us trapped is the thought that we aren’t the sort of person who can succeed.”

Katherine Hurst

As our souls enter into this world, each individual is born with a pre-designed purpose. As we grow and learn from experiences, we begin to recognize what our soul aligns with.

Often times, there are barriers. These barriers could be exterior – such as financial or situational – or these barriers could be created by our own mind, in which we stop ourselves due to self-doubt or fear of judgment.

Whether it be external factors or internal, it is vital to recognize what is holding you back. Force yourself to slow down and STOP – stop and reflect, “Am I reaching my fullest potential?”

The mind is a very powerful thing. Sometimes we become immune to the negative comments we say to ourselves, not realizing the damage it will cause.

I am the QUEEN of negative self-talk, and am just now learning how to break it. Since I was little, I always had the idea in my head that I was never enough. This was not something that was ever said to me, but more or less something I inflicted on myself. The idea of perfection was the overlying dark cloud that would follow me from childhood to adulthood. I had talents, but I could never rise to that top level where I wanted to be. As a result, I would tell myself “You are not good enough.”

Here’s the problem – I quit a lot of things because I felt “I was not good enough” and – the truth is – if I had given myself more time, I probably would have succeeded in one of the many things I quit.

So now I ask you – what is holding you back? What is it that you really desire and what is stopping you from getting there?


#fear #doubt #shame #keepgoing #mentalhealth #inspiration #dreams #life #time #innovation #motivation #motivationalquotes #anxiety

Are You an Overthinker? Try this.

“Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.”

Buddha
Ever feel like your mind is going in circles?

Overthinking – I could write a book on that topic. If you were to look up “overthinking” in the dictionary, my picture would be next to it. I am the Queen of second-guessing and going back over situations a million times.

It is easy to feel paralyzed and then become stuck in the destructive habit of overthinking. You can overthink a small problem so much that it begins to snowball into a massive, undefeatable monster.

Here are 10 signs of overthinking you should be aware of:

  1. Second guessing everything.
  2. Feeling overwhelmed by the littlest decisions.
  3. You regret often.
  4. You are a perfectionist.
  5. Body tenses up. You may feel ill or have a headache.
  6. Insomnia.
  7. Your mind just keeps going in circles. Almost like you can’t shut it off.
  8. You take things personally when they aren’t meant to be personal.
  9. Criticize yourself often.
  10. You always feel on edge.

So now that you know what the signs are, what can you do about it? When you are an overthinker, it is almost like you have to retrain your brain to not think that way. Because of this, it does take time to master these skills.

Here are some things I have tried that may be helpful:

  • Be mindful. Stay present-focused. There could be a million “what if” scenarios. You are not a fortune teller. Acknowledge how you feel and then release those “what ifs” into the atmosphere.
  • Let go of perfection. Perfection is an unrealistic goal.
  • Embrace mistakes. It is okay to mess up. That is how we grow.
  • Write down your worries. Get them out of your head and onto paper. Then place them in a drawer; you can revisit later.
  • Acknowledge your fears.
  • Meditation/Yoga. This can be extremely hard at first for an overthinker, but with practice it gets better.
  • Positive affirmations. It is important to tell yourself you are doing the best you can.

#selfhelp #affirmations #overthinking #mindful #loveyourself #anxiety #depression #quotes #mentalhealth #sad #love #socialanxiety #thoughts #mind #life #overthinker #mindset #feelings #mood #depressed #introvertproblems #recovery #introvert #ocd #stress #alone #philosophy #sadness #inspiration #health #funny #blogs #blog #yoga

My Anxiety has Anxiety

“This too shall pass.”

Unknown

Sweating. Heart racing. Can’t breathe. Hands are shaking. Thoughts are bouncing. What the fuck?!

Welcome to the world of anxiety, my friends. It sucks!

If you have anxiety, you know it is a very physical and mental struggle. Your body begins to have its own reaction while it seems like your mind doesn’t slow down. There have been times my anxiety has been so bad, that I hyperventilate and cry hysterically in a corner until the feeling begins to lessen.

And the worst part? Anything can be a trigger. Being in a room full of a ton of people can be a trigger. Having a deadline could be a trigger. Running late could be a trigger. Anxiety truly differs from person to person.

When I can, I try to talk myself out of if or distract myself long enough to help the physical symptoms dissipate.

To be specific, I use affirmations and mindfulness techniques that I learned in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). It is the only type of therapy that helped me from overthinking and therefore being more realistic about my thoughts.

The key is to be present. That means being attentive to what is going on right now without judgement, without overthinking, without invalidating what you are feeling. Yoga is an excellent practice for this. It sounds simple, but it is often very challenging to be present and slow down your thoughts. Sometimes it helps to bring it back to the present – what do you see? what do hear? what can you feel?

The other helpful practice of DBT for me was “radical acceptance” – accepting what is and and not harping on the unpleasant situation. For example: You may find yourself rushing to get to work because you are late. Instead of getting frustrated you are hitting every red light and begin cursing up a storm, try saying “It is what it is. I’ll get there when you get there” — because guess what? That is reality, you can’t fight it.

When it comes to the technique of self-talk, here are ten affirmations you can try:
1. This is only temporary.
2. Anxiety does not define me.
3. I am not alone.
4. I am safe.
5. I am in control of my thoughts and my life.
6. I have made it through before, I will make it through again.
7. I get stronger each time overcome my fears.
8. This too shall pass.
9. I am prepared for change. I am strong.
10. I release any doubts or fears.

There is no exact solution when it comes to Anxiety. Everyone is different; what works for one person may not work for another.

However becoming aware of your feelings and being present with them is an important first step in releasing that negative energy into the abyss. Remind yourself: “I am strong and, just like before, I can overcome this“. You don’t have to live in fear.

#anxiety #fear #dbt #strength #inspirational #motivational #yoga #affirmations #mindfullness #mentalhealth #endthestigma #wellnesswarrior #wellness #wellnessadvocate #wellnessmatters #reachout #mentalhealthawareness #youarenotalone #mentalhealthblog #mhbloggers #mhblogger #mhblog #anxietyhelp #anxietyrelief #anxietyrecovery #anxietysupport #anxietyfighter #anxietytips #anxietydisorders #recovery

Miscarriages are a BITCH!

One out of every four women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. I am one of them.

(FYI: So my first blog post is a little bit heavy, but this topic has been weighing on my heart for a while… )

The moment you find out you are pregnant, emotions of all sorts are racing through your body; whether that be excitement, fear, shock, or “how the hell did this happen?”. You have it set in your mind that, in nine months, that you will have a little one in your arms.


When I found out I was pregnant, I was overwhelmed with various emotions. Thoughts began racing through my head:”Is this real?””How am I going to afford this?””I can’t believe it, but I’m going to be a mom. My dream come true.”

The first thing I did was call one of my best friends at the time. “Natalie, I’m literally shaking – you will never believe this but I just took a pregnancy test and its positive.” I was so excited I asked Natalie to help me surprise my husband with the news.

We tricked him into taking a quick photo shoot. At one point, Nat asked us to write a message to each other on a piece of paper. Then she would take a picture of us reading our messages. On my paper, I wrote “You are going to be a daddy!” When my husband saw this message, he was so happy and squeezed me tight. We were finally going to start that family both of us wanted.

The following week, I began feeling nauseous and my breasts started hurting. Oh the joys of pregnancy. But – I was still excited because I was pregnant! I began thinking of all the ways to tell the people I love.

Then came week six. I was in my classroom at the time and I started getting cramps. My eyes started to water. I quickly grabbed my assistant and said “I need you to cover for me.” I ran to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding.

My world began to shatter. I called the OBGYN office and they were absolutely no help. I left work and ran to the store to get a pregnancy test. I waited for some time and then took the test – “Not pregnant.”

I felt like a failure. My one job was to carry this baby to term and I had failed. My husband consoled me for the first week, and then began breaking down himself. It hit us so hard, neither one of us really wanted to try again.

I went through a deep depression. Acting out, not really caring about my job, drinking, getting high on anxiety medicine, and isolating myself from the world. It took months to realize a miscarriage is a common occurrence. 1 out of every 4 people will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. That is 25% of the population! That statistic was in an odd way comforting because I realized I was not alone. Once I began talking about my experience, many of my friends and family disclosed that they too had a miscarriage.
After months of healing, I began to question “why”. Why are people so quiet about miscarriage?

Then I thought about the pain – re-living the pain is brutal. It doesn’t matter how many weeks you are, you still have it in your head that you are having a baby. Most people also don’t know what to say. The last thing I wanted to hear was “You can try again”, but how do you explain that to someone when you are hurting?

Fast forward two years and I am here… still wanting a baby but knowing that it is in the power of God. His timing will be perfect. Right now, I am meant to grow.
Part of that growth is educating and consoling others. If you suffered a miscarriage, the most important thing I want you to know if that you are not alone. I am as real as it gets. I don’t hide my life experiences because I believe it can help someone else.

It is okay to get help. It is okay to say I am not okay, and I need someone to listen. It is not okay to stay in the pain and wallow in it (which is essentially what I did for a good six months). Somewhere along the road, society has spread the message that miscarriage is something to be ashamed of. Society teaches us to publicly celebrate our pregnancies, but when a tragedy occurs to hide it by crying alone in the bathroom and dealing privately with the massive hole that is now left in your heart. The problem with this? You begin to feel like something is wrong with you.

That is why I choose to talk about it. Miscarriage needs to be talked about, because we are not alone! I want you to know there is nothing wrong with you. You did not fail. God has a plan for you; it just might not be the plan you had envisioned.

I thought having a baby would save my marriage. I thought it was the perfect thing to bring my husband and me together. God was trying to tell me that is not the answer.
That was hard to swallow.

Does my miscarriage still haunt me? Of course it does, but I also know the only thing I can do is move forward. Blaming myself will not change the circumstance. It only makes it harder to accept.

This is why it is time to talk about it. Miscarriage should not be a taboo topic. Women need to come together and support each other. We are meant to do life together. Let’s build each other up and make each other stronger.

#miscarriage #1in4 #youarenotalone #infantloss #anxiety #fear #dbt #strength #inspirational #motivational #yoga #affirmations #mindfullness #mentalhealth #endthestigma #wellnesswarrior #wellness #wellnessadvocate #wellnessmatters #reachout #mentalhealthawareness #youarenotalone #mentalhealthblog #mhbloggers #mhblogger #mhblog #anxietyhelp #anxietyrelief #anxietyrecovery #anxietysupport #anxietyfighter #anxietytips #anxietydisorders #recovery