How Your Core-Conflict Shapes Your Identity

“Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.”

William James

One of the coolest things about being a human being is that we are each unique due to our various experiences and circumstances. These layers of influences have shaped our beliefs whether we realize it or not, and have created the person we are today.

This can be both a good thing and a bad thing. While we use our values to have a positive impact on the world, we also have limiting beliefs about ourselves that we have formed from an early age. The negative beliefs, while we try to repress them, are actually working subconsciously throughout our everyday life.

While on a coaching call the other night, my friend pointed out to me that I had a pattern – a pattern that was influenced by something called a “core-conflict”. We began talking it out and I realized that everytime I thought I wasn’t going to succeed in something, I gave up. I wouldn’t let myself completely fail. By doing that, I never let myself completely succeed in something because I stopped anytime a bump in the road came. The road to success is often very bumpy. As Rachel Hollis says, you have to let yourself “fail forward” many times in order to achieve the very thing you want. Success is not linear, but rather a curvy line.

When I realized this talking to my coach, it angered me. I began to think of all the things I quit prematurely – – multiple sports, swimming, acting, singing, piano lessons, and dance. I asked her, “Well I just don’t understand…when did I start feeling ‘not good enough’? What was the turning point and why did I feel like I needed to protect myself?”

Her response – “Your core-conflict is often shaped by an event in your childhood (sometime between the ages of two and six) and then continues to fester over time. The good thing is you can rewrite your story. You just have to face it head on.”

I think back and it’s amazing to see how that core-conflict of mine negatively affected my identity and how I went about doing things. To be completely honest and transparent – there have been many times even recently when I thought “what’s the point of my blog and what’s the point of Arbonne – I’m not really helping anyone anyway.” Even though this is not completely true, it “feels” true and it feels safe to take the easy way out. “I can’t fail this way” is what I tell myself. But, in reality the only way I do fail is by quitting.

I know in my heart that God has a huge purpose for me. As I sit here writing this, I know that if I were to continue down this path of self-destruction, my potential would not be met and the people I want to help will never be helped. I have learned I need to trust myself, as I begin to rewrite my story. Trust what I know to be true, and allow those bumps in the road to happen.

According to the Law of Attraction (which I have discussed in my blog before), what you send out into the universe is what you get back. In other words, “believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create that fact.” So if I am to rewrite my story and send positivity out into the world, I must first start by abandoning my core-conflict and allowing myself to feel the emotions connected with failure. By doing that, I will have to practice seeing these experiences as opportunities to practice mindfulness and self-development rather than times that I am “not good enough”.

Whatever your core-conflict is, I challenge you to do some self-reflecting as well. It will hurt to uncover the past and it will be challenging to relearn a new truth about yourself. But I guarantee you it will be worth it. Your purpose is just waiting for you to discover.


#healing #love #meditation #selflove #health #wellness #selfcare #yoga #energy #mentalhealth #spirituality #spiritual #mindfulness #peace #crystals #nature #reiki #motivation #life #inspiration #spiritualawakening #loveyourself #awakening #recovery #anxiety #therapy #positivevibes #energyhealing #consciousness #bhfyp #coreconflict #fear depression

Judgement – Who is Judging Who

“People will judge you no matter what you do. So you might as well do what you want.”

Unknown

Raise your hand if you ever remember feeling “judged” for something you did, a comment you said, or a decision you made? 🙋‍♀️

I think it is safe to say, we have all been there.

Sometimes these judgements are real and other times they are stories we make up in our own heads. Fact – human beings are judgemental creatures. But, remember, their base of judgement is rooted from how they view the world. It has nothing to do with you.

Each human is different, made up of their own experiences and values that tell them how the world should be. That does not mean everything they believe is correct. If we constantly worry about how others will perceive us, we will STOP ourselves from becoming the very person we were meant to become. Opportunities that could open up the world for us will never blossom because we didn’t even allow ourselves to open the door.

Here’s the truth – 75% of the time, the judgements we feel are thoughts we made up and told ourselves to believe. I say that because EVERYONE is worried about being judged – to the point where they are mainly thinking about how others are perceiving them. They are not worried about you as much as you feel like they are.

We spend hours criticizing ourselves, when they spend – what – like a second thinking about us regarding something that has no truth attached to it?

It is easy to get paralyzed with fear in hopes of fitting in or being accepted by others. But here’s the catch – others do not get to define who we are; WE define who we are.

Yes, I’m weird. I’m quirky. I’m a Philly Sports phanatic, not girly girl. I am a homebody who loves her fur babies, and I am definitely not a partier. I enjoy board games and being at the beach. I love helping people and I believe that I am here for a bigger purpose than just me. Not all these statements I like about myself, but I am learning to accept them because that is who God made me to be.

People will always have opinions and that is their right. But YOU get to decide how YOU show up each and every day. Are you going to hold yourself back because of your perceived opinion or others’ perceived opinions? Or are you going to push through and show others what’s possible when you just go for it and be you?

Show them what it means to be you. Live your life on your terms. Don’t let other opinions define who you are. Then start a ripple effect – try your best to judge people a little less because you know what it is like to feel judged yourself.

I guarantee you will inspire people without even knowing about it. So go out, BE BOLD, BE YOU.


#judgement #keepgoing #motivation #holistic #mentalhealth #fear #anxiety #depression #strength #courage #strong #inspiration #health #healthymind

Anniversary of My Suicide Attempt

The semicolon project: my life could have stopped, but I continued on.

Exactly seventeen years ago, I attempted to take my own life. I don’t talk about it much because I don’t like to remember that day or the events after it. In actuality, I think part of my psyche has blocked it from my memory because I only remember bits and pieces.

I was thirteen. I remember the pain I felt; deep, intense, hopeless. I felt alone. Yet, when I went into the inpatient/outpatient programs, everyone just looked at me and said “You don’t belong here.” It wasn’t out of malice, even though it may sound like it. All the other teenagers around me had severely broken childhoods and families that really did not give a damn. And there I was – with two parents who loved me and who tried to give me the best life possible. It pains me to think of it because the guilt I felt was tremendous. “I didn’t deserve to feel pain”, I thought.

But the truth? Everyone is entitled to their emotions. We cannot compare circumstances. It does no good and it does not solve the problem.

While I did not have a broken family, I had a severe chemical imbalance – most of which I contribute to getting my menstrual cycle early. My body was developing fast, but my surroundings were not and my brain was still one of a thirteen-year-old. I would get conflicted as to how I should be feeling and what I actually was feeling.

In addition, the meds I was put on for my depression and anxiety were not handled properly. The doctor started me off on a high dose and then did not monitor it. My parents did not know any better. After all, they trusted the doctor.

To this day, I remember my dad’s face when he found out I overdosed on pain medication. I stayed home that day because I needed a mental break from school. I felt so alone with my feelings that I just broke – I grabbed the bottle without thinking and continued to shove the pills down my throat. My dad knew I did something. He kept asking, “What did you do? What did you do?” I don’t remember what tipped him off honestly, but he knew. I was honest. Then he called 911.

The cops showed up with an ambulance. I was so scared. I was crying. “I’m fine! I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please don’t take me away.” I just wanted them to go away.

Once at the hospital, they pumped my stomach full of charcoal. I met with some doctors who I tried to convince “I WAS FINE”. But since I had made an attempt, I had to be inpatient for a couple days.

Those days were filled with the scariest moments I had seen yet being only thirteen. I was trying to understand my emotions, while also be frightened into seeing the worst of the worst situations. To give you an idea – someone smashed their head through a glass panel on a door in an attempt to end their life.

I wouldn’t understand this experience until much later in life. I never wanted to end my life. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to understand my feelings and how to feel better.

Since I refused to deal with it, those emotions just fostered into an eating disorder three years later. I used food as a cop out to control the emotions I felt were out of control.

Now almost two decades later, I have completely done a 180. I’m so glad I failed that day because I had so much to accomplish that God was planning for me. I look at my struggles with mental health as a time that made me stronger and more understanding. I am now able to help others with my story and encourage them to keep fighting. It is no walk in the park; it takes time, dedication, continual therapy, and patience. BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT. I truly believe we were each created for something special. Sometimes it takes others longer to find it and that’s okay. We each bloom at our own time.

When you feel at your lowest, remember me as an example to keep fighting. You have no idea what God has in store for you and whose life you will one day impact. I’m in your corner.

If you or something you know is suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Help is available.


#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #depression #selfcare #selflove #mentalillness #love #therapy #health #wellness #mentalhealthmatters #motivation #mindfulness #recovery #healing #ptsd #fitness #psychology #bipolar #wellbeing #life #loveyourself #inspiration #meditation #positivevibes #happiness #trauma #support #bhfyp

Recommended Companies

The purpose of my blog is to promote a healthy, fulfilled lifestyle. As a result, I wanted to denote a specific blog post to brands/companies that I recommend in case you are ever finding yourself in need of resources. For easy access, this blog post will have its own tab on the home page entitled, “Resources”.

To be clear, any brands I recommend (now or in the future) share the same company purpose as I do in helping you transform into your best self – both physically and mentally. In addition, these are companies that I personally use and feel confident in recommending.


Image result for just strong


FITNESS CLOTHES
Company: Just Strong
Why? The company’s philosophy is to “empower women to strive for physical and mental strength and to celebrate our success.” Progress not perfection.
How to save? Save 10% using my code. Visit Just Strong. Code: KRISTO10
Perks: Clothing is comfortable and simple.


Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, sitting, drink, shoes and outdoor


FITNESS TRAINER /MINDSET/
BUSSINESS COACH
Company: ConfinFIT
Why? Corin is not the typical trainer. She works on your mindset, as well as your psychique, crushing myths that cardio and restricting are the way to losing weight. Her unique approach lessened my anxiety and got me excited about fitness again. She creates a macro goal for her clients each week, as well as setting up exercises that work best for your body and goals.
Corin has seen such success in this approach that she is now transitioning into a Business/Mindset Coach.
Follow her on Instagram. Handle: CorinFIT.
Message her directly through Instagram to get started.


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SKINCARE. NUTRITION. MAKE-UP.
Company: Arbonne
Why? Arbonne has been around for forty years, and since its debut, the company has been focused on transforming lives through pure, botanically based ingredients. Their mission is to “empower people to flourish with sustainable healthy living.” The company believes in a “holistic approach to beauty, health and wellbeing, focusing on the whole person to help them flourish inside and out.” Their product philosophy was co-developed with holistic medical experts. Their plant-based formulas boast high clean standards and are subjected to rigorous scientific testing. Arbonne remains vegan, cruelty-free, and gluten-free. Arbonne’s ingredients go by European standards, which are strict and focused on what is best for the client. They are considered ultra-premium products that are sold for department store pricing, thanks to Network Marketing. They are highly concentrated, which allows you to use a small amount and get more benefit from it. This alone makes the bottles last for a lot longer than most of us are used to, saving us money in the long run.
How to save? Enroll in the Preferred Client program to get 20% off all year and special perks throughout the year. There is no monthly amount you have to buy to keep this, which is what I love. You can use it once and be done.
Other perks: 45 day money back guarantee. Excellent customer service.

How to order? Visit the Arbonne website or message me for more info.


ESSENTIAL OILS
Company: Arbonne and Young Living
Why? Many essential oils you find are not 100% pure. These oils are, which is why they cost a little more. If they are not 100% pure, they are watered down to make it cheaper and you get less of an effect. Essential oils can be used as cleaning products, as a relief for anxiety, basically anything you can think of. It is a great way of avoiding unnecessary chemicals.
To order from Arbonne, click here.
To order from Young Living, click here.


Don’t forget to follow me on Pinterest , Instagram, and my FB Group. I appreciate all your support and love. I truly hope sharing my story, experiences, and wisdom resonates with you and makes a difference.


#Fitness #Instafit #Getfit #Fitspiration #Fitnessaddict #Fitnessmotivation #Fitnesslife #Fitnesslifestyle #Fitnessgoals #Fitnessfreak #Fitnessfreaks #Fitnesstips #Fitnessinspiration #Fitnessblogger #Fitnessfun #Fitnessjourney #Fitnessgoal #Fitnessfood #Fitnesslove #Fitnesstransformation #Fitnesscoach #Fitnessforlife #Fitnessphysique #Fitnesswear #Fitnessjunkie #Fitnessguru #Fitnessaddicted
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Loneliness

“Loneliness is designed to help you discover who you are and stop looking outside yourself for worth.”

Do you ever have one of those days were you just feel misunderstood? Like no matter what you do, you cannot get your point across?

Well, what happens when this feeling occurs on a daily basis, leaving you feeling alone and discouraged?

Feeling alone can take up a lot of energy, especially as we tell ourselves how alone we are. But there is a difference between feeling alone and being alone.

Loneliness often does not come from actually being alone, but rather from feeling misunderstood or like you do not belong. So, the first step is to acknowledge that. Are you really alone or do you feel alone? If you are feeling alone, try to pinpoint why. Are you having trouble getting your point across? Do you feel like no one understands you? Once you have a clearer idea of what you are struggling with, you can begin to put together an action plan to heal.

First off, it’s important to note, that feeling lonely is much more common then you would think. Tons of people are trying to find their way whether they state it or not. And there are definitely times when many of us feel like something is wrong with us and that we do not fit into the world around us.

Once you figure out what is causing you to feel alone, I challenge you to see the power that you hold: “Loneliness is designed to help you discover who you are and stop looking outside yourself for worth.” Reread that one more time. “Loneliness is designed to help you discover who you are and stop looking outside yourself for worth.” If you can wrap your brain around this concept, that means our dreadful feeling of loneliness is actually quite powerful. So –

Step #1. Stop looking for another person’s approval – whether it be a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a friend, etc.

Step #2. Start appreciating yourself for everything you are. You would never tell a friend how terrible he/she is, so don’t tell yourself that either.

Step #3. Start filling your day with things that you love to do. What brings you the most joy? What brings out your inner light?

And lastly,

Step #4. Give yourself a break. We can often be our worst enemies. It is now time to be your best friend. You have so much to offer this world. Keep fighting through the negative thoughts; you are meant to shine.


#edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #anorexiarecovery #anorexia #eatingdisorder #mentalhealth #edfighter #edwarrior #anarecovery #bulimiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #recoveryispossible #ed #intuitiveeating #bulimia #recoveryisworthit #recoverywin #food #selflove #anorexianervosa #mentalhealthawareness #haes #edfam #recoverywarrior #anorexiafighter #fearfood #bodypositive #foodfreedom #bhfyp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #depression #selfcare #love #selflove #health #mentalillness #therapy #recovery #motivation #wellness #mindfulness #healing #ptsd #mentalhealthmatters #fitness #wellbeing #loveyourself #psychology #life #meditation #happiness #worldmentalhealthday #suicideprevention #endthestigma #inspiration #positivity #loneliness #alone

The Untold Story: My Battle With Depression, Body Image, and Food

“Real hope combined with real action has always pulled me through difficult times. Real hope combined with doing nothing has never pulled me through.”

― Jenni Schaefer, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life

This is a story that almost came to an end many times over the last two decades. The person that you are looking at to your left has battled disordered eating since she was thirteen years old. What started out as trying to lose a few pounds turned into a full blown eating disorder by the time she was sixteen. There were many tears, doctor visits, breakdowns, and therapy sessions — BUT this is no longer a tragic story anymore and it is time to share it. While it is a long story, I hope you bare with me and follow along. It is important to know the different phases of my life to understand where it lead.

I had an amazing childhood, one that others dream of. I grew up with a brother (who was close in age) and had two amazing parents who would have given their lives to make sure ours were perfect.

Everything was pretty normal up until the time I was ten years old. The month after I turned the “double digits”, I got my first menstrual cycle. It wasn’t a big deal at first. I was now officially part of womanhood! Or at least that’s what my mom told me. It wasn’t until my body started changing faster than those around me that it really started to affect me. I was a fourth grader, who was 5’3 with growing boobs and hips – while the other girls in my grade were flat chested and didn’t have to worry about wearing a bra. To give you a gist of how embarrassing it was, other girls would snap my bra straps to make notice of my growing change.

I also noticed that, not only was I physically more mature, I was maturing mentally faster as well. It began to feel like there was no where I fit in.

Then fifth grade came – the year that changed everything. I had my first heartbreak. And while that seems absolutely silly now, it really tore me up mentally at the time because it was just another thing I found “wrong” with me.

I began to separate from all my friends. As seventh grade came, I would hide in the bathrooms in the mornings and cry because I felt so alone. No one seemed to even notice.

I finally broke down to my dad that I needed help. I was so sad, and I felt so bad about it because at the time I could not put the pieces together. He and my mom made a psychiatrist appointment and I was put on my first antidepressant. Except, the psychiatrist was not a very good one – he started me out on a high dose of Effexor, which as a 13-year-old was way too much for my body.

It was a January day in 2003, I told my dad I needed a mental day from school. I ended up grabbing a hand full of Aleve and shoving it down my throat. I didn’t want to live anymore; I felt so alone. Long story short, I spent some time in the hospital, got taken off Effexor, and was put on about twenty different meds in the course of the next three years to try to help my depression.

In those three years, the meds caused me to gain a lot of weight. I began feeling even worse about myself. To try to lose some of the weight I gained, I began doing pilates everyday; nothing obsessive just enough to combat the weight gain.

The pilates worked and I had lost most of the weight I gained. As a result, I was starting to get comments about how good I looked. That was the most damaging thing anyone could have said to me. Why? Because it told me that I was noticed when I was thinner.

This is when I began to restrict what I ate. By the time I was a junior, I would go to the library everyday during lunch so I wouldn’t have to be around food. I wouldn’t eat in the morning and would play around with my food at night so my parents wouldn’t notice something was wrong. That routine only worked for so long. Once I hit a certain weight, they knew something was wrong.

There were many fights at the dinner table. Many tears, and quite a bit of yelling. “Why can’t you just eat?” I don’t know, why couldn’t I just eat? The truth? it wasn’t about food anymore – it was about control.

When everything felt out of control, I knew the one thing I could control was what I put in my mouth. And I wasn’t giving in.

I ended up inpatient at Renfew in Philadelphia and then continued outpatient treatment for months after.

It was now my senior year of High School. As it was coming to a close, I chose a college close to me so that I could continue the treatment I needed for my eating disorder. However come August of that year (a month before school was supposed to start), I was at my lowest weight ever and the doctor now wanted me to go back inpatient. I made the choice to go to school. I wasn’t going to lose that too.

Once in college, I began to gain a little of the weight back. I found an amazing college counselor and attended eating disorder groups fairly frequently. I thought I finally had it under control.

Then 1.5 years later, my dad passed away. I did the only thing I knew how – restrict. A couple months later, I was back in the hospital. I had contracted MRSA and the bacteria quickly moved into my bloodstream. While in the hospital, they did a bunch of bloodwork finding my iron and potassium levels extremely low. The doctor turned to me and said “If you don’t start changing your life, you are going to die.”

Over the next ten years, I have fought to have a better relationship with food. Just like a recovering alcoholic, you can consider yourself recovered and still have thoughts that you know aren’t healthy or beneficial.

More about my nutritional journey will be in another post – but for now, I want to share my biggest take away. Food is not the enemy. Negative thoughts were and continue to be the enemy. When I didn’t eat, I allowed the negative thoughts to tell me I was empowered. And when I did choose to eat, I wasn’t eating to feed my body and to nourish myself. I was eating to fill a hole inside of me created by those negative thoughts. That hole can only be filled with self-love and affirmations.

If you struggle with an eating disorder or disordered eating, I encourage you to fight those negative thoughts and challenge yourself to see what is really going on behind the self-destructive behavior. I needed to love myself and know I am exactly who God made me to be. I needed to find my inner strength and purpose.

The secret to beating an eating disorder, or any addiction for that matter, is the desire – the desire to find something BIGGER and more IMPORTANT than your self-destructive behaviors. Because, yes…while these behaviors become our outlet and our “friend”, it takes more than it gives and ultimately it can take your life.

You are so much more than what your mind is telling you. Recovery is possible and life is waiting for you. xoxo


#edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #anorexiarecovery #anorexia #eatingdisorder #mentalhealth #edfighter #edwarrior #anarecovery #bulimiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #recoveryispossible #ed #intuitiveeating #bulimia #recoveryisworthit #recoverywin #food #selflove #anorexianervosa #mentalhealthawareness #haes #edfam #recoverywarrior #anorexiafighter #fearfood #bodypositive #foodfreedom #bhfyp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #depression #selfcare #love #selflove #health #mentalillness #therapy #recovery #motivation #wellness #mindfulness #healing #ptsd #mentalhealthmatters #fitness #wellbeing #loveyourself #psychology #life #meditation #happiness #worldmentalhealthday #suicideprevention #endthestigma #inspiration #positivity

Are You an Overthinker? Try this.

“Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.”

Buddha
Ever feel like your mind is going in circles?

Overthinking – I could write a book on that topic. If you were to look up “overthinking” in the dictionary, my picture would be next to it. I am the Queen of second-guessing and going back over situations a million times.

It is easy to feel paralyzed and then become stuck in the destructive habit of overthinking. You can overthink a small problem so much that it begins to snowball into a massive, undefeatable monster.

Here are 10 signs of overthinking you should be aware of:

  1. Second guessing everything.
  2. Feeling overwhelmed by the littlest decisions.
  3. You regret often.
  4. You are a perfectionist.
  5. Body tenses up. You may feel ill or have a headache.
  6. Insomnia.
  7. Your mind just keeps going in circles. Almost like you can’t shut it off.
  8. You take things personally when they aren’t meant to be personal.
  9. Criticize yourself often.
  10. You always feel on edge.

So now that you know what the signs are, what can you do about it? When you are an overthinker, it is almost like you have to retrain your brain to not think that way. Because of this, it does take time to master these skills.

Here are some things I have tried that may be helpful:

  • Be mindful. Stay present-focused. There could be a million “what if” scenarios. You are not a fortune teller. Acknowledge how you feel and then release those “what ifs” into the atmosphere.
  • Let go of perfection. Perfection is an unrealistic goal.
  • Embrace mistakes. It is okay to mess up. That is how we grow.
  • Write down your worries. Get them out of your head and onto paper. Then place them in a drawer; you can revisit later.
  • Acknowledge your fears.
  • Meditation/Yoga. This can be extremely hard at first for an overthinker, but with practice it gets better.
  • Positive affirmations. It is important to tell yourself you are doing the best you can.

#selfhelp #affirmations #overthinking #mindful #loveyourself #anxiety #depression #quotes #mentalhealth #sad #love #socialanxiety #thoughts #mind #life #overthinker #mindset #feelings #mood #depressed #introvertproblems #recovery #introvert #ocd #stress #alone #philosophy #sadness #inspiration #health #funny #blogs #blog #yoga

My Anxiety has Anxiety

“This too shall pass.”

Unknown

Sweating. Heart racing. Can’t breathe. Hands are shaking. Thoughts are bouncing. What the fuck?!

Welcome to the world of anxiety, my friends. It sucks!

If you have anxiety, you know it is a very physical and mental struggle. Your body begins to have its own reaction while it seems like your mind doesn’t slow down. There have been times my anxiety has been so bad, that I hyperventilate and cry hysterically in a corner until the feeling begins to lessen.

And the worst part? Anything can be a trigger. Being in a room full of a ton of people can be a trigger. Having a deadline could be a trigger. Running late could be a trigger. Anxiety truly differs from person to person.

When I can, I try to talk myself out of if or distract myself long enough to help the physical symptoms dissipate.

To be specific, I use affirmations and mindfulness techniques that I learned in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). It is the only type of therapy that helped me from overthinking and therefore being more realistic about my thoughts.

The key is to be present. That means being attentive to what is going on right now without judgement, without overthinking, without invalidating what you are feeling. Yoga is an excellent practice for this. It sounds simple, but it is often very challenging to be present and slow down your thoughts. Sometimes it helps to bring it back to the present – what do you see? what do hear? what can you feel?

The other helpful practice of DBT for me was “radical acceptance” – accepting what is and and not harping on the unpleasant situation. For example: You may find yourself rushing to get to work because you are late. Instead of getting frustrated you are hitting every red light and begin cursing up a storm, try saying “It is what it is. I’ll get there when you get there” — because guess what? That is reality, you can’t fight it.

When it comes to the technique of self-talk, here are ten affirmations you can try:
1. This is only temporary.
2. Anxiety does not define me.
3. I am not alone.
4. I am safe.
5. I am in control of my thoughts and my life.
6. I have made it through before, I will make it through again.
7. I get stronger each time overcome my fears.
8. This too shall pass.
9. I am prepared for change. I am strong.
10. I release any doubts or fears.

There is no exact solution when it comes to Anxiety. Everyone is different; what works for one person may not work for another.

However becoming aware of your feelings and being present with them is an important first step in releasing that negative energy into the abyss. Remind yourself: “I am strong and, just like before, I can overcome this“. You don’t have to live in fear.

#anxiety #fear #dbt #strength #inspirational #motivational #yoga #affirmations #mindfullness #mentalhealth #endthestigma #wellnesswarrior #wellness #wellnessadvocate #wellnessmatters #reachout #mentalhealthawareness #youarenotalone #mentalhealthblog #mhbloggers #mhblogger #mhblog #anxietyhelp #anxietyrelief #anxietyrecovery #anxietysupport #anxietyfighter #anxietytips #anxietydisorders #recovery

Miscarriages are a BITCH!

One out of every four women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. I am one of them.

(FYI: So my first blog post is a little bit heavy, but this topic has been weighing on my heart for a while… )

The moment you find out you are pregnant, emotions of all sorts are racing through your body; whether that be excitement, fear, shock, or “how the hell did this happen?”. You have it set in your mind that, in nine months, that you will have a little one in your arms.


When I found out I was pregnant, I was overwhelmed with various emotions. Thoughts began racing through my head:”Is this real?””How am I going to afford this?””I can’t believe it, but I’m going to be a mom. My dream come true.”

The first thing I did was call one of my best friends at the time. “Natalie, I’m literally shaking – you will never believe this but I just took a pregnancy test and its positive.” I was so excited I asked Natalie to help me surprise my husband with the news.

We tricked him into taking a quick photo shoot. At one point, Nat asked us to write a message to each other on a piece of paper. Then she would take a picture of us reading our messages. On my paper, I wrote “You are going to be a daddy!” When my husband saw this message, he was so happy and squeezed me tight. We were finally going to start that family both of us wanted.

The following week, I began feeling nauseous and my breasts started hurting. Oh the joys of pregnancy. But – I was still excited because I was pregnant! I began thinking of all the ways to tell the people I love.

Then came week six. I was in my classroom at the time and I started getting cramps. My eyes started to water. I quickly grabbed my assistant and said “I need you to cover for me.” I ran to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding.

My world began to shatter. I called the OBGYN office and they were absolutely no help. I left work and ran to the store to get a pregnancy test. I waited for some time and then took the test – “Not pregnant.”

I felt like a failure. My one job was to carry this baby to term and I had failed. My husband consoled me for the first week, and then began breaking down himself. It hit us so hard, neither one of us really wanted to try again.

I went through a deep depression. Acting out, not really caring about my job, drinking, getting high on anxiety medicine, and isolating myself from the world. It took months to realize a miscarriage is a common occurrence. 1 out of every 4 people will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. That is 25% of the population! That statistic was in an odd way comforting because I realized I was not alone. Once I began talking about my experience, many of my friends and family disclosed that they too had a miscarriage.
After months of healing, I began to question “why”. Why are people so quiet about miscarriage?

Then I thought about the pain – re-living the pain is brutal. It doesn’t matter how many weeks you are, you still have it in your head that you are having a baby. Most people also don’t know what to say. The last thing I wanted to hear was “You can try again”, but how do you explain that to someone when you are hurting?

Fast forward two years and I am here… still wanting a baby but knowing that it is in the power of God. His timing will be perfect. Right now, I am meant to grow.
Part of that growth is educating and consoling others. If you suffered a miscarriage, the most important thing I want you to know if that you are not alone. I am as real as it gets. I don’t hide my life experiences because I believe it can help someone else.

It is okay to get help. It is okay to say I am not okay, and I need someone to listen. It is not okay to stay in the pain and wallow in it (which is essentially what I did for a good six months). Somewhere along the road, society has spread the message that miscarriage is something to be ashamed of. Society teaches us to publicly celebrate our pregnancies, but when a tragedy occurs to hide it by crying alone in the bathroom and dealing privately with the massive hole that is now left in your heart. The problem with this? You begin to feel like something is wrong with you.

That is why I choose to talk about it. Miscarriage needs to be talked about, because we are not alone! I want you to know there is nothing wrong with you. You did not fail. God has a plan for you; it just might not be the plan you had envisioned.

I thought having a baby would save my marriage. I thought it was the perfect thing to bring my husband and me together. God was trying to tell me that is not the answer.
That was hard to swallow.

Does my miscarriage still haunt me? Of course it does, but I also know the only thing I can do is move forward. Blaming myself will not change the circumstance. It only makes it harder to accept.

This is why it is time to talk about it. Miscarriage should not be a taboo topic. Women need to come together and support each other. We are meant to do life together. Let’s build each other up and make each other stronger.

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