When You Find “The One”

“There are many forms of love, as there are moments in time.”

Jane Austin

How do you know when you find “the one”? It’s going to sound simple, yet not simple all at the same time. The cliff notes version is you just know.

Now – you are probably reading this and thinking “that is the stupidest answer I have ever heard”, but let me explain further.

There are many kinds of love in this world. Many people end up settling for what they think is “the one” because they love them…however, you can love someone and also not be meant for them.

My ex-husband and I met about twelve years ago and were together for nearly ten years. We were only eighteen when we met so we spent a good part of our early years growing up together and figuring out life. During the ten years, I definitely did love him. At the time, I thought because I loved him, he must be “the one”. I had no other life experiences to tell me otherwise. While we had our issues and there were disagreements, I was conditioned to think all couples go through this (which they do to some degree). So I would repeat – “we will get through”. In doing so, I ignored several times when I questioned if I was in the right relationship. We were slowly drifting apart and going in separate directions. Yet, giving up my wedding vows was not something I was ready to do. Toward the end our relationship, it became very unhealthy – yelling, cursing, punching walls, infidelity…you name it. Clearly us ignoring we were not meant to be was no longer working.

Did we love each other? Yes. Were we supposed to be together? No.

Staying together because you love someone is not always the answer, especially if you analyze that love and find that something feels off. If you meditate on it, quite often you will find the answer. It is important to trust your gut at this point.

When I met my current girlfriend, within that first month I knew she was the one. I know – completely crazy – especially because within the ten years I was with my husband – I was never that sure.

My love for her is completely different from the love I felt for my husband. It doesn’t mean I loved him any less – it just means I loved him differently.

There are certain signs to look for that signal the passionate kind of love you feel when you meet “the one”. That does not mean you have to end every relationship you come across because they aren’t perfect for you. But for those of you that want to settle down, get married, and start families – it is important to consider if your significant other is really the right match for you before you move to the next step.

So here are ten things that I noticed are different in my current relationship versus my last relationship:

  1. I feel more myself. I don’t have to worry about my mistakes or flaws because they are all accepted.
  2. Our goals and values align. We want the same things.
  3. She doesn’t complete me, but rather she makes me a whole person on my own and then just adds a wonderful light to it.
  4. We handle any problem or challenge in a mature way. We talk things out, we never argue.
  5. We have overcome obstacles together.
  6. Every day I wake up excited about life. I feel grateful to be alive and grateful to have her.
  7. Home is not always a place, but rather a person.
  8. I had a gut feeling she was the one.
  9. Our physical chemistry is off the charts and continues to be even years later.
  10. We are addicted to each other, but in a good way. We love being together, but also respect each other when we want to do our own thing.

I do not regret my marriage or being in a relationship with my ex-husband. But, I do regret staying longer than I should have. I was afraid to move on because I did love him and did not understand how I could just walk away from someone I loved. Then I learned, “there are many forms of love, as there are moments in time.” It was okay to love him and let him go because he was not “the one” for me.


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