Are You Better as Friends?

“Sometimes it’s better for two people, who no longer fit together the way they should, to walk different paths and to wish each other well.”

Breaking up is not an ideal situation for anyone. No one wants to hurt and feel like the world is crashing down upon them. I know I certainly didn’t. But, what if, all of the holding off and trying to repair the relationship is just making things worse? When do you come to the point when you know and accept that the two of you are better off apart?

This is a challenging process, and one that is easier said than done. This can be especially true if you are married or engaged; the commitment or promise you made to the other person can linger over you saying, “one more chance” or “things will get better with time.”

The truth is some things do get better over time and some relationships are healed by couples therapy. Before just throwing in the towel, I do suggest giving it your all and working toward mending the conflicts the two of you have.

Now let’s say you have done that and now you have circled back around to, “What do I do?” First, you need to ask yourself a couple questions:

  1. What is the biggest issue in my relationship?
  2. Are the issues resolvable?
  3. Are you able to forgive? Is the other person able to forgive?

If you search deep inside you, you will find the answers to these questions. If the issues are not resolvable and/or you cannot forgive the other person, it is time to move on. It is unfair to say “I forgive you” and then constantly hold that issue over their head. For example: I was cheated on within the first two years of my last relationship. I had “forgiven” because I didn’t want to end my relationship, but I did not really forgive him. There were other things that I was not okay with, but went on anyway – for example, i resented the fact he spent so much money on car parts and I was afraid to buy a new pair of shoes. These issues were not going to be resolved because cars were his hobby and he made that clear. I either accepted it and dealt with it, or left. Well, again, I did not want to leave. So I stayed and dealt with it. But, how was that fair to him – and how was it fair to me?

It took us ten years to realize we were better off as friends. We loved each other but we had our issues; our lives were not fitting together the way a loving, healthy relationship should. And even though we knew that, ending that relationship was not easy. It is not easy to say goodbye to someone you have spent so much of your life with. Now, two years after our breakup, we both find we are living closer to our soul’s purpose and are both happier overall.

My point is breaking up can be heart wrenching, but it is not always a bad thing in the long run. Sometimes it’s better for two people, who no longer fit together the way they should, to walk different paths and to wish each other well.

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